Us Not Human… Us Not Creature… Us Bizarbies.

There’s a scene in High Fidelity when Rob (John Cusack), the day after having emotional get-back-together sex with his girfriend Laura (Iben Hjejle), storms out of the Championship Vinyl stockroom and onto the salesfloor. He is completely caught off guard by the music playing over the store’s loudspeakers. It is shockingly good and he has no idea who it is.

ROB
What is this?

DICK
It’s Vince and Justin.

ROB
Who’s that?

BARRY
The little skate-fuckers.

ROB
No way.

BARRY
Yes way. It’s really…

Rob and Dick look at him, ready to pounce —

BARRY (CONT’D)
(pained to say it)
It’s really fucking good.

Rob is so floored by the song, I Sold My Mom’s Wheelchair, that he immediately rushes out the door and convinces the skate-fuckers (The Kinky Wizards) to release it on his spur-of-the-moment created label “Top Five Records.”

The scene is really at the beginning of the end of the movie – Rob and Laura have already gotten back together and it’s just a matter of time before Jack Black rocks the schlock on Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On – but it does illustrate how Rob finally sees and appreciates something he’s overlooked for so long.

Which brings me to The Bizarbies.

About a year and half ago, I was buying some tickets to see a show at the Metro at the now defunct Hi-Fi Records (replaced by the Metro Store) when I was approached by a guy who very well looked like he could have been a member of the Kinky Wizards, a skate-fucker. This guy, R.L. Mono, wanted to sell me one his CD-Rs for $1.50 and I was more than prepared to ignore him.

Seeing me fumble with my cash to pay for the tickets, he countered with $0.75. Feeling bad, I gave him $2 and grabbed my tickets and the CD-R and hurried out.

“Call me if you like it! My number’s on the back!” he shouted after me.

Well, I’ve since left Chicago and in the process lost the case for the CD-R. But I have listened to the CD, Smash Hits, and I gotta say… it’s really fucking good.

In the course of 70 minutes, the Bizarbies careen from Royal Trux (who incidentally sang I Sold My Mom’s Wheelchair – titled Inside Game on the High Fidelity soundtrack), to Prince, to Faith No More. This may all sound a little surreal, but as evidenced by their names, R.L. Mono and Seib Razib, it’s really more of a long con or a goof. The 14 Smash Hits here were probably winnowed out of a vault of thousands of Smash Hits.

In a sense, the Bizarbies are the Ween for the 21st century.

Okay, maybe Ween is the Ween for the 21st century.

But if Superman can have a double living in another world, a Bizarro Superman, then why can’t Ween have a doppelganger? A Bizarro Ween?

If that Bizarro world is Chicago, then Bizarro Ween has got to be the Bizarbies.

• Bizarbies – Babaganoush
• Bizarbies – West Side Girl
• Bizarbies – Good News/Bad News

Buy Bizarbies Half Hits from Positron Records.